Many times throughout our lives we will find ourselves asking one question, one question that I find stands out the most. Who are you? Usually, you’d respond with your name! Duh. However, there is a lot more to it that a lot of people wouldn’t think into. If you are like me which I know a lot of you reading this are like me, you will be living with at least one mental illness if not more. The question who are you? can be difficult. Often, we don’t know. It sounds crazy huh? or does it.
Depression took over my life at one point to the extent I didn’t know who I was. My family always knew me as a very outgoing person, loving person and someone who loved life. In my eyes I was nothing more than a shell holding hostage the person I used to be, keeping at bay the person I was to become. I felt like I was nothing, often when people asked who I was? I’d say I was nobody. Nobody would be the answer I’d give and I remember they would look at me like I was crazy. I wasn’t, I genuinely felt like I was nobody I was nothing.
A lot of people used to say deep down I knew who I was, I didn’t. I had to find myself and often loose myself to be the person I am today. I still loose myself, forget who I am and my passions. It’s a sad reality but it happens and not many people want to admit it, also not everyone deserves to know who you really are.
People take advantage, it’s what people do. We have all done it at least once in our lives where we have used a situation or a feeling to our advantage and not always in a good way. Did it make us a bad person? sometimes at the time it probably did in the eyes of someone around us. We are not all good nor are we all bad, some of us are genuinely in between. It makes us human, a lot of things make us human. It doesn’t mean we are bad people we just made decisions and went with them. I’ve made decisions that have left me questioning who I am. It didn’t make me any less of a person.
We change every day, habits change every day, personalities change every day but it’s all a part of growing. Who we were a year ago is not who we are now. If someone was to ask you who you really are? Would you be able to answer them? If I’m honest I couldn’t but I’d also state, tomorrow is a new day. Who we are today is not guaranteed who we will be tomorrow. Who we are right now is probably not who we will all be in a few hours, we will have changed since then. It happens. It’s such a complex thing to think about isn’t it?
Most days when people say who are you? well, I’m just Paige. That’s usually as far as a lot of people get with me, they don’t see I’m the girl who fights a war with myself in my mind every day. I’m the girl who stood strong when I felt weak, I’m the girl who fought the urge to not drown my sorrows into a vodka bottle and I’m the girl who took a stand to give a voice to those who were scared to speak out. No, I’m just Paige. It’s easier that way, not everyone understands. I’ve been faced with a situation many times where I’ve been arguing with someone and they say to me ‘who even are you?’ as if they didn’t know me. Well, if you don’t recognise the person standing in front of you? chances are they don’t even know themselves.
Either that or you just don’t like the person they have become. That’s perfectly normal and it’s okay but it’s not okay to put someone in a situation where they don’t know who they are. Questioning who you are as a person is a daunting process, often a heartbreaking process. It’s when you really need to face the person within, the person you are portraying to the world and the person you really are. Do any of us really know who we are? If there is one thing I do know about myself and many others, those of us with pure hearts? we will have our day. Our day will come when we really know. No more battles in our mind trying to convince us to be someone else, we will just be exactly who we are suppose to be.
Who are you?