Engaged at 16, eye opener or big mistake?

In todays society we are seeing more and more 16 year olds settling down in relationships, although this is not a bad thing! I feel they are not really prepared for the work that has to go into it, especially when some are proposing marriage. They are 16 years old, they are just legal to have sex but you can’t take them into a bar and shoot tequila shots. Tequila shots was my go to when I was engaged, yes great example I am. Underage drinking and engaged at 16! Was it an eye opener or was it a big mistake? Both. I was a kid, I had no idea what was really going on. I refused to listen to my mum and the woman is always right! She took no notice of any of it because she knew it wouldn’t last. I wanted nothing more than to prove her wrong but she was right! He was a first grade asshole.

I was obsessed with my history and my heritage and my ancestors, being a traveller was amazing to me! Or gypsy whichever you prefer. He took complete advantage of that, I wasn’t allowed to talk to other guys for starters. My best friend is a male? A gay male at that and he still didn’t like it. He took a lot of my independence away from me because he wouldn’t like it when i went out alone, I’d often go for walks and he would be on the phone ‘where are you?’ ‘Why are you not home?’ I felt like I was trapped, technically, I was. As soon as he put that ring on my finger, my life changed. I was no longer this kid that was trying to get through college, I was expected to be a wife.

The thought of the massive gypsy wedding and having my family together, the big sparkly dress with the sparkly heels.. it was all a dream of mine that I thought was going to be my reality. It was my downfall, 16 year olds are still developing hell some 16 year olds have only just started puberty! I was planning my wedding. I should of been out at drama club or cooking with my mum, instead I was cooped up inside my bedroom with this guy I thought I loved.. who ruined my life. The guy who twisted my mind to think I wasn’t worthy enough.

You know what I think more 16 year olds should do? Promise rings. You want to put a ring on your girls finger, give her a haribo ring or give her a promise ring! Promise her that maybe one day it will be an engagement ring. Don’t rush straight into it because you feel like you have to. Marriage is a tough commitment, especially at 16 years old. I grew up alongside my ex fiancé and I loved every minute of it, until he was old enough to go into night clubs. Until he was old enough to go out and he was tempted by all these older girls. Me? I sat at home most nights crying because he was ignoring me. Crying because I wanted to believe being engaged to him was enough, it wasn’t. I was no longer the girl he was after but I was the girl he would later regret loosing.

He wanted to be apart of my family purely because of who my family were. It had nothing to do with me, he thought he was high and mighty because he bagged himself a gypsy. A gypsy yes, a mug NO. He would go out every weekend and every Thursday and Friday, id only ever hear from him when he wanted something. I eventually couldn’t take it anymore. He would laugh at me and tell me I was stupid for thinking I could be married at such a young age. A lot of my family members were married young, some are still together some are not. It can work but personally I don’t think being engaged at 16 is a great idea but hear me out before you jump the band wagon.

It took away a year of my life that I could of spent exploring, I could of spent it with my friends or my family. Instead I spent it crying alone in a tiny room wondering why I wasn’t good enough. Why wasn’t I enough? He bought me a ring, he put it on my finger but he didn’t care about me. The fantasy soon wore off, he realised how hard it was and he wasn’t prepared to put in the work. Did I ever think I’d have an ex fiancé? Not at this age no but shit happens. It taught me that some people are going to be placed in your life, to teach you or to torment you. Some people are sent to do both, he certainly did that. I went through a lot with this relationship, events happened that result in me not dating now. I’m 20 years old and I haven’t been in a serious relationship since.

Photos were posted online of another girl sitting in between his legs with her hand on his you know what, if you don’t know then you’re to young to be reading this lovey!! but that was the night it came to light, he cheated on me with my ‘friend’. THAT was my breaking point, he told me I was crazy. I was seeing things, I was stupid over and over and that I wouldn’t ever find anyone like him to deal with me. Yes, to ‘deal’ with me. If we were just dating I would of said goodbye there and then, but we were ENGAGED? I was so confused. He was meant to be marrying me? It was all a joke to him. Marriage is a beautiful commitment and not everyone deserves it.

That’s when I knew, the entire proposal, the wedding planning, the disappearing acts, the distance? It was all an act. He knew a long time ago I wasn’t the one he wanted to be with. He still pulled me along for the ride. He wanted to go out and sleep with every girl in sight and he wanted me to sit at home and be okay with it. I was 16 years old and my heart was literally broken. I was so gullible and still had so much to learn, now? I don’t need no man to tell me how to live my life. Engaged at 16? I’d have rather been thrown in an actual prison cell. My life felt like a prison sentence, but I agreed to marry him so it was my fault? No. I didn’t ask to be treated the way he treated me. Nobody deserves that! Especially at such an impressionable age.

Lastly, if you’re the only person your other half has slept with and you want to go down the road of engagement? Really think about, it usually ends in heartbreak. 99.9% of the time they will look for it elsewhere. The adrenaline rush, the thrill and the achievement of getting to sleep with someone else other than the person you have always been with. It’s real, it’s sad but it’s true. Of course this isn’t always the case with older couples, younger couples? Hormones play a massive part. You’re still developing, you’re still figuring out sexualities! Go out and have fun with your friends! Eat ice cream, eat junk food (in moderation), go on walks and just laugh!! Leave the marriage journey until you’re older. I’d never wish on anyone to go through what I did.

It’s rare to see young couples married so young and still together but it can happen. I’m not in any way saying it can’t! I am saying however more education needs to be given. It all comes down to educating our younger generation who have no idea how hard life is. Sometimes though, they have to live it to appreciate it. You want to get married young? Remember it costs you more money to get a divorce! Buy dominos it’s cheaper. OX

One thought on “Engaged at 16, eye opener or big mistake?

  1. Love the post hun. I was one of those 16 year olds too. I ended up having 2 children and marrying him though by 21. Separated a year later and divorced by 24. I’m grateful that the relationship got me out of a violent home at the time and gave Jenny 2 children but now that I’m older I often wonder what I was thinking. Ah the joys of hindsight xoxo

    Liked by 1 person

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